Disconnect, please

| Print |  Email
Friday, February 01, 2008

{safe_alt_text} ROBIN DOUSSARD

IT WAS THE NOTE that said “someone at SMUD” had viewed my profile that finally did it. I don’t even know what SMUD is, but it doesn’t sound good. And now someone there is checking me out?

That’s when I knew I had to get out of this professional online network thing. It started  innocently, like these things do. A writer I know sent me an invite to join Linked In, a social network for professionals. Who can resist being asked to join a club? So I agreed, filled out the form, and I was in. Joining a group that promised to connect me to like-minded professionals sounded like just the kind of thing I needed to get up to speed on the whole networking thing and join the race my colleagues were running.

Then other invites started coming. From people I used to know, people I still know, people I have never known. I didn’t want to be rude (always a mistake), so I accepted the first few. Then as they started to roll in, I started ignoring them, a passive-aggressive way to say “no thanks.” I wasn’t interested in having a lot more e-mail to keep up with.

Then it linked me to thousands of classmates from my university. Yikes! The last thing I needed was my college-boyfriend-turned-stalker getting that information on a silver platter. (And if you already have found me, “Steve,” I now own a gun, drive an armored Hummer and my husband works for Blackwater.)

Then I’m told that Rebecca S. has just added a picture to her profile, Tom T. has added 3,987 new contacts and my network is only .001% complete. Linked In encourages me to BUILD MY NETWORK! Now I feel like a loser. Why aren’t I on the beam, here? I need to get out and invite more people to my network. I need to wash my hair, put on a little makeup, post a picture to my profile and start networking.

I started getting sweaty, exhausted by just the thought of it. It’s not that I’m unused to public scrutiny, but I find something creepy about this. Have I mentioned that the network also suggests “people you may know,” and, good god, I do know them? How do they know who I know?

Then just when I think the whole world is spying on me, I look at the “who’s viewed my profile” section and find that my profile has been viewed by eight people in the last three months. Eight people in three months. How pathetic is that? And that includes my new best friend from SMUD, and probably Steve. Of course, I’ve never sent out an invite, fearing the same rejection that I’ve heaped on the other schmoes out there sending out invites to people they barely know, like some sad, chubby 8-year-old trying to get kids to her birthday party. Sorry, wrong column.

When I finally got around to closing my account today, there was a box that asked: Please describe the problem you are having.

I wish it were that simple.

 

More Articles

Big Trouble in China?

Guest Blog
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
0818-wellmanthumbBY JASON NORRIS | CFA

Earlier this month, the People’s Bank of China (PBoC) announced they were going to devalue their currency, the Renminbi. While the amount of the targeted change was to be roughly 2 percent, investors read a lot more into the move. The Renminbi had been gradually appreciating against the U.S. dollar (see chart) as to attempt to alleviate concerns of being labeled a currency manipulator.


Read more...

Living the dream

News
Friday, August 21, 2015

smugglespearsthumbRenee Spears, founder and owner of Portland-based Rose City Mortgage, is hot to trot to sell pot.


Read more...

Quake as metaphor

Linda Baker
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
071515-earthquakia-thumbBY LINDA BAKER

The Big One serves as an allegory for Portland, a city that earns plaudits for lifestyle and amenities but whose infrastructure is, literally, crumbling.


Read more...

House of Clarity

July/August 2015
Monday, July 13, 2015
BY JACOB PALMER

Holding a Power Lunch at Veritable Quandary in downtown Portland.


Read more...

5 things to know about veterans in the workforce

The Latest
Wednesday, July 01, 2015
070215-vetsthumbBY JACOB PALMER | DIGITAL NEWS EDITOR

There are more than 10 million former military members working in the United States.


Read more...

Farm in a Box

July/August 2015
Friday, July 10, 2015
BY JACOB PALMER

Most of the food Americans consume is trucked in from hundreds of miles away. Eric Wilson, co-founder and CEO of Gro-volution, wants to change that. So this past spring, the Air Force veteran and former greenhouse manager started work on an alternative farming system he claims is more efficient than conventional agriculture, and also shortens the distance between the consumer and the farm.


Read more...

Photo log: Murray's Pharmacy

The Latest
Friday, July 17, 2015
OBM-Heppner-Kaplan thumbBY JASON KAPLAN

Photographer Jason Kaplan takes a look at Murray's Pharmacy in Heppner.  The family owned business is run by John and Ann Murray, who were featured in our July/August cover story: 10 Innovators in Rural Health Care.


Read more...
Oregon Business magazinetitle-sponsored-links-02
SPONSORED LINKS