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Out of the frying pan

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Monday, December 01, 2008

There’s been a lot of criticism directed at those who believe the economic sky is is falling. The backlash against irrational panic has reached such a level that we did a quick phoner with the CEO of Chicken Little Consulting, the creative birdbrain behind the panic campaign, as she caught her breath from running around like a well, you know.

Do you regret your infamous “The Sky Is Falling” campaign? Like all good fables, there is a bit of truth to what’s being said, but a lot of misinformation. When the acorn hit me on the head earlier this year, I could have done one of two things: ignore it and chance that the entire kingdom was doomed, or run through the village screaming and rush to tell the King that the world was coming to an end. Look, we thought we had it right. We needed to take swift and decisive action even before we knew what the full situation was. Hank Paulson has privately called to thank me.

s_Robin ROBIN DOUSSARD

You’ve been vilified lately as the symbol of what not to do. President-elect Obama said recently, “This isn’t a time for fear or panic. This is a time for resolve and leadership.” The clucking class says that was aimed directly at you. I wasn’t the only one saying the sky was falling, but I’m an easy target. Remember, I’m a chicken. The entire barnyard was up in arms at one point. But I can’t say it doesn’t hurt.  Republican Rep. Jerry Weller went rogue on me and said, “Once again, Chicken Little has been proven wrong.” Then Barrons mocked me with a headline that said, “Sorry, Chicken Little.” Everyone always blames the messenger.

I feel your pain. How’s your staff taking the basting? You know, I’m a tough old bird, so I don’t let it get to me. But Goosey Loosey, head of our creative services, is taking it pretty hard. He’s no longer loosey or goosey and in our business that’s a killer. Henny Penny, our financial VP, is putting all our eggs into one basket. But the last thing we need is to lose confidence. That will only make it worse. We’re just afraid of ending up like poor Chip Diller from The Animal House Group. He hasn’t worked since 1978 after his “Remain calm. All is well!” advice during that dustup at that university in Eugene.

Any bright spots? I really like the chickenlittlewasright.com website. And we’ve got a sharp new guy coming aboard. Knows the political landscape. His name is Foxy Loxy. Have you heard of him? He’s part of the bailout team and he’s coming over to the house tonight for dinner and says he has a bundle of incentives for us. Not the usual chicken feed. He specifically asked that we invite Turkey Lurkey, who was the brains behind our campaign for the Three Little Pigs’ subprime housing proposal. Foxy says he really likes Turkey. If this goes well, we could be back in the game before this thing is over.

One last question, and I’m sorry we have to ask. But why did the chicken cross the road? To bypass the regulators, of course.

 

 

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